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Random Ramblings

Ive had a good day today. Went over to Westonbirt which i havent done since a kid, took lots of interesting photographs and generally had a good time. About 200 yards from the car i get a pain in my shoulders and my mum decides that massaging them is the best policy. I told her not to worry lol, besides it being an inconvenience to her it also made me look like a weirdo having a massage in a forrest LOL. Well you know what mums are like, she ignored me and started with her bad attempts at massage, after 5 mins of me telling her its not helping she decides to just push her thumbs into my shoulder blades, at which point something moved, made a loud cracking noise and i dropped to the floor like a sack of shit... I seriously struggled to get back to the car, moving my legs was jolting my arms and my neck which was making it worse. Then i couldnt get in the car because its a 4x4 and its high up and im like 5ft 3 LOL. Other than that calamity its been a good day, James goes home 2moro which means i get the xbox finally, plus all the stuff he brought home in crates!  Well thats all i can be bothered to write for tonight i guess =p

13th June

Weird day today, James came home with the xbox which i WAS looking forwards to, but he kinda spazzed at me from the minute he got in and the Xbox is still in its box, i darent go set it up until hes gone lol. Going to Westonbirt 2moro which should be good, can take lots of piccies =] My hairs gonna be a mess coz the hairdryer blew up and now i cant dry it lol. Nothing ever just goes to plan in this house.  Anyways just a short one tonight!

12th June

Today's been pretty uneventful. I got woken at 8am by mum as she needed to go off out and James had ordered some massive hamper of Thorntons to arrive for dad. I get out of bed and dad announces he cant be bothered to go to work today -great. So anyway i plant myself on the sofa ready for this delivery and fall asleep LOL, i get woken at like 11:30 with mum spazzing off because i fell asleep. I ended up going and getting back in bed at that point haha. The delivery didnt even get here til like 2pm and dad saw the bloody box anyway- complete with THORTONS stamped all over the side, so mum telling him it was laptop parts James ordered really looked convincing! She's spent all day tidying the house ready for 2moro when James gets home, normally i dont get that over excited when he comes home, i know its nice to see him and everything but he also gets on at me over stuff and i lose all my power within the house haha. Hes back 2moro though and bringing me his xbox 360 so yeah thats cool =] Other than that nothing to write about really. Bring on the xbox!

11th June

Well i finally decided to bite the bullet today, i emptied my bank out and paid for 5 electoral role searches in an attempt to find Joe. In short, I failed. There's no trace of him after 2006 which i just cant get my head around. I cant even speak to his relatives to get a number because they had their details held back from the census people *sigh* I just cannot think of any other avenue left to explore. I have tried EVERY social networking site, I've tried his mums last workplace but she moved on and they lost contact, his old friends, hockey club...everyone has lost contact with him. Its really testing my patience right now. All i want more than anything is a number, an address ANYTHING, just something.  I went to bed feeling pretty miserable over this whole situation, i was lucky enough to get woken up with good news- My mum had booked me in to get my hair sorted out finally. I had it cut and had blue added to it, its more of a purple-blue but it looks awesome in the light. I'll post pictures soon! All-in-all its been a rollercoaster of a day, but i guess i shouldnt complain. I have amazing friends and a fantastic family and thats all that matters at the end of the day.

*sigh*

So i spent until 4am this morning debating whether or not to empty whats left in my bank account and pay for credits with tracesmart. It's bugging me like mega bad that i can't find Joe. See, when things ended the way they did i was so bloody angry and upset by the whole thing..I still am I guess, but there is just so much that I need answers to. We didn't have a huge fight and never speak again, we were talking fine. He told me he didn't have the money to go out, and that he'd call me when he did..but he never called...and I wouldn't call him first because meh i dunno, I was being pig headed and wouldn't back down.

So here I am on my own, without you. Like going from spending 24/7 with someone to nothing is just really hard. The stuff i got you for xmas before all this mess happened i thought so hard about, I really was falling for you, hard. I hope you still have it all. I wonder sometimes if you look at your tattoo and think of me. I cant bear to watch National Treasure and Takeshis Castle anymore because it brings it all back to me, and 8 Mile..That night was just perfect, I had such an awesome time. I see the film now and it upsets me lol. I don't even know why i'm writing this, I cant find you anywhere, i highly doubt you're going to stumble accross this. I guess i just want to say that I made a mistake in letting you go, and I am not going down without a fight. I will find you somehow, someday and let you know how I feel. If you don't want to know then fair enough, but atleast I can say I truely, 100% tried.

Haii

Well this isn't so much of a journal, but more of a 'welcome to my page' type thing i guess =]
One thing you will probably notice if you read my posts in the future is that i am a really emotional person. I don't burst into tears at every opportunity or anything, but i do find my moods swing from up to down at the drop of a hat and the way i write reflects that.  I spend far too much time thinking about the seemingly silly things in life, and i really do pay attention to everything. I have been walked over and used so many times by people that i guess i just want to make sure i never do that to someone i really care about, so i tend to stress out over nothing and worry a lot thinking ive upset people when most the time i havent lol. I guess i just want to be a really decent friend, i would be chuffed to know that i've achieved that someday =]  I want the simple things in life, i'm just as impressed by meaningfull words as any grand gesture.  I'm by no means a 'girly-girl', i like getting muddy and tearing holes in my clothes doing silly things. One thing i really like doing is potholing or caving. I dont get to go very often now as it's not something you do without a buddy and well, i dont have a caving buddy anymore lol. I have so many interests i could fill page after page of posts so i'll spare your eyes and end it here lol. If you want to chat, or know more about me then feel free to send me a message sometime!

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